How to Be a Grown Up

Honestly, that title is a lie. I wrote it because I woke up at 4:30pm today and actually heated up a poptart.
I haven't heated up a poptart since I started living on my own and it made me feel like a grown up. And then I realized grown ups don't wake up after all the banks are closed. They also don't eat poptarts after "breakfast time" which I assume is sometime before noon. I, honestly, don't think grown ups eat poptarts, but I could be wrong. I hope I'm wrong. I don't know what I would do for food if I can't eat poptarts anymore. That would almost be as bad as not eating dinosaur shaped sandwhiches.

What?

Grownups dont eat dinosaur sandwiches?!

Well, then I don't want to be a grownup. I am quite content sleeping until afternoon and eating poptarts and shaped sandwiches. However, if you want to be a grownup, I have come up with a list of things you must do to become one.

Amanda's How to Be a Grown Up Guide.

1. Go to bed at a reasonable hour. I am not sure what constitutes as a reasonable hour becuase I can't sleep until after 4 am on most nights. From this, I can only assume a reasonable hour is anytime before I go to bed.
2. Wake during the time when McDonald's is still serving breakfast. Now, I know for a fact that McDonald's starts serving breakfast at 3am because back when I was trying  "college," we would be out and about at 3am and want cheeseburgers and be very disappointed when they only had stupid sausage and biscuits. We were drunks, not business people, what were we going to do with breakfast at 3am? oh...right... eat it. 
3. Take a shower. Daily. Now, I must admit, I am very good at this step. Usually. Sometimes I forget that I am supposed to shower every day, but usually I shower sometime after being awake. Unless I run out of shampoo. Because the only reason I shower is to wash my hair. If my hair wasn't so oily, I wouldn't shower even half as much as I do now.
4. Get dressed. I have an incredibly hard time abiding by this rule. To be perfectly honest, if I am home alone (like I always am) then I probably do not have clothes on. In fact, if I have visitors, I usually have to run around frantically finding clothes before I can open the door.
5. Get a Job.  I think this is a very big step to being an adult, and I have really no intention of doing this any time soon, but if you want to be a grownup you need to get a job so you can pay bills. Which bring us to our next step.
   
6. Pay things on time. As a grown up, you must pay things on time. Bills and rent and car payments. If you continuously pay them late, you will no longer have electricity or  a home or a car.
7. Do not date people under the legal drinking age. This is a rule I put in for myself. You do not have to abide by it, but to benifit my survival, I must. You see, 18 and 19 year old boys are retarded. Certifiably. And not the good kind of retarded like me, the bad kind where they do completely irrational and hurtful things without thinking about it and then expect you to be ok with it when really you should be throwing chairs and sharp things at them inbetween crying fits. For those reasons, dating young boys is not for people with grown up thoughts and  emotions. (yes, I realize throwing chairs and having horrible crying fits is not a grown up thing to do, but young boys drive me to do this)
8. Do not drink vodka out of the bottle, nightly. Drinking vodka is fun. I am not anti-vodka-drinking. All I am saying is grown ups mix their drinks. And not like MD 2020 and Sprite. More like vodka and cranberry juice. NOT cranberry flavored vodka out of the bottle. Though, that sounds amazing. I am not sure where I was going with this...something about learning to drink "in moderation". Someday I will be able to explain it better. Not today.

Those are really the only things I know of that make me different from a grown up. Maybe add in there dont play on facebook when you should be applying for a job or dont make up blogs that talk about your alcoholism, but I really think those 8 rules are the basic steps to becoming a grown up.